I have a subscription to a television provider that plays series and shows. Yesterday I was scrolling through the newest releases. Then I saw a movie that they recently put on. I was frozen for a second. It was the last movie my ex husband and I went to see in a theater. I watched it and cried a bit. It was also a sad movie.

Emotions came flooding in. Being depressed lately didn’t help with the emotions. My ex was my best friend. We were married 19 years. We grew up together. He knew all my secrets. My drinking just wore him down.

I don’t know when I became so fragile. I use to be tough as nails but everyday I get a little bit stronger. I had to lose him to find myself again. I wouldn’t have hit my rock bottom if he didn’t walk away.

Drinking destroys lives and relationships. Sometimes those can be saved with sobriety but sometimes they can’t. I have to respect the decision my ex made. It saved me.

Today as I worked out I listened to the soundtrack of that movie. I don’t regret my past nor wish to close the door on it. It brought me years of happiness which I got to think about as I listened to those songs. Instead of crying I found myself smiling.

I’m living now instead of just existing. I have a future.