Today I had a great meeting. It was a women’s meeting. I chaired the meeting. It the the first time I had ever done it. Normally I am nervous about doing new things. For some reason I was not nervous. I guess I’ve been to enough meetings. I can say the serenity prayer without reading it now. In the beginning I stumbled with the words.
They say when things are going good your on a pink cloud. Full of happiness. That’s how I feel about things right now. Its almost like the calm right before the storm. Is the devil going to test me soon? I want to keep positive but when things seem to go good for while something happens. My mind wants to sabotage my current happiness.
All I can do is keep praying that I do gods will. He will keep me above water and not drown. In AA we take things one day at a time. I found a quote by Abraham Lincoln, “The best thing about the future is that it come only one day at a time.” I thank god that I only have to stay sober one day at a time. If I had to think about doing this for years and years I would be drunk. I don’t have to solve tomorrow problems. I can start each day with a new contract with god to stay sober.
When I became sober they said to do 90 meetings in 90 days. Even though I have some time under my belt I feel like I need to do a new round of 90. I can relapse mentally without meetings to help keep my mind straight. My alcoholism is in the background doing pushups getting ready for me to relapse. I have to stay spiritually strong so when I’m testing I don’t fall.
I don’t want to live in this world half alive and empty inside. That’s how I was living when I was drinking. It took me so long to become sober and put all the puzzle pieces of my life together. My soul was ice cold. I’ve got the best days of my life ahead. I can reflect on the last year at all the awesome things that sobriety has brought in my life.
Kisses and hugs until my next thoughts.