The Evil Inside Me

I don’t want to drink. Sometimes I wish I could drink like normal people but I have tried and failed. I’m an alcoholic and that’s what some of us do. We try to be normal drinkers but we are not.

I’m really glad that the Christmas holiday is past me but now I have to face New Year’s Eve. For many people it’s a time of celebration along with champagne and wine glasses. I can’t really remember any New Year’s Eve from the last two decades. Even last New Year’s Eve I was going through withdrawals and wasn’t able to celebrate.

I’m assuming that I will do what I do every night now. I reflect on the day making sure I kept my side of the sidewalk clean. I pray and I meditate to relax and prepare myself for sleep. That’s also assuming.

You see everyday alcohol enters my mind several times a day. Some have told me that the desire to drink was taken away from them. I pray for this phenomenal event to happen to me. Until it does I have to battle my disease and allergy daily. For me this means going to meeting and doing what’s suggested.

The fire inside me says drink, drink! My mind tells me to extinguish the fire before it’s a blaze and I’m on a track of ruining my life again. It’s good vs evil inside of me. God chose this life for me and I still on this earth to do some good.