Change

In the past when I have attempted to quit drinking I tired to do it on my own will. In the past I have tried to cut back. I would measure how much I would drink on a typical night and then try to cut back small amounts each day. I would try to cut myself off at a certain time and go to bed.

On my own will I was only able to go five days before I was back on the bottle. I was a failure at quitting drinking. I tired to look at all the reasons I was failing. I was always placing the blame on everything and anything but myself.

Once I started going to meetings I realized the problems wasn’t alcohol. Many people consume alcohol everyday and don’t have a problem. People can have one drink and walk away. I couldn’t be like normal people. The problem was within myself. Since I couldn’t drink like normal people I realized I was an alcoholic.

In the past people had commented on my drinking. I once even had a coworker tell me that I needed to cut back. My ex husband had commented in my early years of drinking but quit saying anything over time. My mother had made many comments but I had slowly quit taking to her overtime. I didn’t want anyone telling me I was an alcoholic. I didn’t want anyone ruining my “fun”.

This fun as I called it caused way to many hangovers. So many times I woke up to vomit. So many times I would vomit before I would pass out. It was no longer “fun”. It was my second job. It was something I had to do on a daily basis to feel normal.

Something was going to have to change. It would have to start with me.