The Beginning

First of all I’m not an English major and mistakes will happen.

If you have ever been to an AA meeting they will talk about what we were like, what happened and what we are like now.  Since this is my first blog entry that is will be the focus.

I was the best functioning alcoholic. For many years I was able to hide my alcoholism from the outside world.  Only two people knew how much I was consuming or so I though. 

I started drinking during nursing school.  I was educating myself but test taking was taking a toll on me.  I found through alcohol that I could sleep and rest my mind.  All I really wanted was a good night’s rest.  I would drink until I would pass out and then get up and run through the day always thinking about when I could put my child to bed so I could drink.

I also covered up my depression with alcohol.  That’s for another day.

Though out the years I quit waiting until my son when to bed and started drinking right at supper.  At this point I had made my way though nursing school and was working in a busy ER.  I was working on night shift and drinking made it easier for me to fall asleep/pass out, and flip to a dayshift routine for my days off.  I wanted a way to turn my mind off like in nursing school from all the things I was seeing in the ER and alcohol was the solution for that.   It also numbed out any feelings I was having.

I was not the nicest of nurses to be around. Days turned into weeks, weeks into months, and months in years. Then as we know something had to happen. For me that was a divorce. My husband had an affair after 25 years together. i was getting divorced. I went from a functioning alcoholic to a full blown alcoholic. I no longer curbed my appetite for a drink. I started drinking heavily. One day after a long night of drinking I reported to work and they said I smelled like alcohol. That was the day I knew I had to change my ways or I would lose the things that I cared for in life. I passed my drug and alcohol test that my job required me to do. That is want put me on the path to a sober lifestyle. Although it didn’t happen overnight and I did struggle for many more months until I finally concluded I was an alcoholic.

I hope you follow me through this journey and miracle that they call sobriety.